Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Now on Netflix: Asian Connection (2016)

Asian Connection (2016) - Directed by Daniel Zirilli; Written by D. Glase Lomond; Starring Steven Seagal, Michael Jai White, Pim Bubear, John Edward Lee.

By Kenny Howell

You have to face facts when watching Asian Connection that it is a product of the international market.

This is a business opportunity, not really any sort of work of art. You put together a formulaic story (co-thought up by Tom Sizemore apparently), attach someone known worldwide (Steven Seagal), keep the budget low, and let the profits roll.

I don't know if it happened in this case, but I do know that a crappy movie does exist because of it. Seagal is the bad guy in this one (named Gan Sirankiri because of course he is), one who is seemingly tired and really likes sitting down most of the time, sometimes explaining to young Asian women his thoughts on eating fish. When he does stand, it is practice really slow martial arts, also with Asian women.

The "good guys" are Jack and Avalon (John Edward Lee and Pim Bubear), two young people in love who make Gan Sirankiri really mad. Jack, along with his partner Sam, rob a bank that has Gan Sirankiri's money. Gan Sirankiri gets so angry, though very quietly, and some could say it doesn't seem like he is angry at all on account of Seagal's acting ability, but mostly tired and really wanting to tell Asian women about eating fish. Gan Sirankiri tries to get his money back while Jack is asked to rob even more banks to make up for it.

There is nothing really redeeming about this at all. I literally can say nothing good. The writing is laughably stupid, the acting is awful (partially because of the lines they are forced to say), the action is so boring. It is what it is, a way to tag Steven Seagal's name on something and make money worldwide. As far as entertainment, it makes none of that.

Asian Connection is now streaming on Netflix.

Rating: No stars

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