Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Now Streaming: The Boy Next Door (2015)



The Boy Next Door (2015) - Directed by Rob Cohen; Written by Barbara Curry; Starring Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, John Corbett, Kristen Chenowith, Ian Nelson, Hill Harper.

By Kenny Howell

It took me a bit to figure out whether The Boy Next Door knew it was stupid.

I thought maybe it did, and the second and third acts of the film would be filled with lines like "I love your mother's cookies."

But, alas, it did not. The Boy Next Door is just stupid.



Jennifer Lopez is Claire Peterson, a Classics teacher at a local high school. We know this because the word "classics" is said about 45 times throughout the movie, including by Noah Sandborn (Ryan Guzman), the new "boy" that moves in next door. He is about to go into his senior year of high school, which is sad because he is obviously 27 years old. He got left behind by the educational system apparently, which is surprising because he knows so much about the "classics" and will quote them around Claire. She is vulnerable because her husband Garrett (John Corbett) has been cheating on her, and they are separated, so any man with extensive classics knowledge is appealing.

Noah moves in, seducing her with Homer and a genuinely sweet nature. Claire tries to go on a date with a man appropriate to her age (to be fair Noah is almost appropriate to her age as well), but this guy scoffs at the classics. That's not the person for her. Her man needs to know the classics.

Lonely one night, Claire and Noah get to know each other a little better physically, all while Director Rob Cohen pans up and down, the camera move equivalent of elevator eyes, being sure to check out each character's butts in the process.

But it was a mistake on Claire's part, and she realizes that. But Noah won't take no for an answer, and goes crazy. Like really crazy, but not enough to make this movie any fun. The classics are much more fun.

Rating: *


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